5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
