I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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