New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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