well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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