i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
