Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
