i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
