two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
