my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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