sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
