I CAN MOONWALK!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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