i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need moral support for this bender
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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