all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Terrible idea I love it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
