I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
