I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
