yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
