why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
