So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
