Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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