Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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