I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She's JV to your varsity
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
