It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
