Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
