i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
