Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
