I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
is it fun? or sober?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize