I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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