if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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