its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
