i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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