No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
