do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
