This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
