i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
