I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
