i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
