I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
