remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
