he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
