Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
