do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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