is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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