so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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