My first STD was from a foam party
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
