my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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