I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
