I seem to have left my pride at pride
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
