I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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