She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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