Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
