I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
